So I just looked and I have over 3,000 friends on facebook.
How is that even possible? How can i keep up with all of them? How can they all keep up with me?
The answer is I can’t. And they can’t.
Let me be honest:
There is a loneliness that I have been feeling lately.
I have tons of activity on social media, tons of people interested in the projects my husband and I are working on, lots of friends that text me every once in a while.
But still there is this steady loneliness that sits with me when no one else is around.
I have been through some of the toughest months of my life recently.
I went to a hospital.
And what happens to all of that social media and texting and emailing activity when that happens? It comes to an abrasive halt.
Something I am learning is that bipolar disorder and loneliness go hand in hand. There is no one on this planet that will understand what it is like to have my brain.
Have you heard the saying, “Walk a mile in my shoes?” How about we walk a mile in each other’s brains? (I wish we could all think about that when interacting with other humans. What would it be like to have their brain?)
It is a lovely and scary and intense and exciting and magical brain that I have. It is just hard to be bipolar and to simultaneously feel known and loved and supported at all times, without being judged harshly for being the “girl with the bipolar disorder blog.”
I get lonely sometimes. So many friends, and yet sometimes I feel completely on my own. (Thank God it is only sometimes. And thank God for my husband, who makes me feel safe and fiercely loved and pursued every day.)
At the end of the day I have my core group of supporters (including Jason aka God) that I know will always love me unconditionally. And that is all I need in this life.
So, Loneliness, you can literally go to hell.
HAVE A GREAT dAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY