Yes. Bipolar and Defensiveness are married.

I am not going to lie.

I am defensive about my neurological imbalance.

It is actually quite easy to “police” or “monitor” my behaviors and my personality and my mood because I have actually been to the doctor and have been diagnosed with a big, scary word called “bipolar.”

It is easy to not separate the girl from the “disorder” in one’s mind. (Even in my own mind.  It is hard not to take the label of “bipolar” on like a colorful forehead tattoo.  It is hard to separate myself from my diagnosis.)

I have a confession to make.  This whole Bipolar thing is HARD.

I have to lay down my own will every single day.

When people question how much I’ve been sleeping when they themselves haven’t been sleeping very often, when they question my eating habits while they are eating donuts, when they look at me sideways because my mood goes up and down (like theirs does not), it is HARD for me not to get defensive.

I am working on it.

But it is the hardest thing I have ever done, to be honest, to remain calm and not get frustrated or defensive when some people seem to question my every move (whether or not it’s out of care for me.)

Take care of yourself, and before you question my own life choices, make sure yours are in check as well.

 

Just being real with y’all.  I am a flawed human being and I am sick of feeling like I need to “prove” to you that I am “back to normal.”

That is the struggle of bipolar disorder.  (one of the many.)

 

 

HAVE A GREAT DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

3 Comments

  1. One day a lady went to visit Gandhi. She asked him to tell her son to stop eating chocolates. Her son loved chocolates and would eat them all day long. Gandhi said to come back with her son in two weeks. Sure enough, after two weeks the mom came back with her son and stood in front of Gandhi. He looked at her son and said,” son…stop eating chocolates.” Then he said to them that they could go. The mother asked “but Gandhi why did you ask us to come back in two weeks? you could have told him that before.” Gandhi replied, “no i couldnt, two weeks ago i still ate chocolates.”

    But back to reality: We are not all Gandhi. We dont always measure to such integrity wishing that others would do what we fall short of.
    However at the end its all about how one deals with the hand that life has dealt you. Not what others say or do. Keep the focus in, do your best and learn from mistakes. Yours and others. TT hugs to your light heart.

  2. My brother is bipolar and it’s been really hard on my family because he has made some very bad choices and has been in and out of prison and jail. I think that if you can identify this, and write this down, and publish it, YOU are doing fantastic. My brother was diagnosed 14 years ago and many times since but refuses to even acknowledge it.

  3. I can imagine that it has to be so hard to be on guard of your own thinking and feelings all the time. However, this practice over time is what will construct a better quality of life for you and your loved ones. I am so proud of you for working hard on yourself and for sharing. There are so many people that can be encouraged with your words. Blessings.

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